No wonder why partners are so confused, we confuse ourselves.
We strive for connection with eachother however given the chance we alienate eachother faster than we can admit. As little girls we bond over playing house and mommy, however as soon as a we become mommies we begin to compete and judge.
Its starts before you even realize it, i began to see it early in my pregnancy, the silly competition. It's starts small with little comments and comparisons. How long it took to get pregnant, why you decided to birth a child, silly things. We as women want to share and we vocalize it. I can't imagine how many stories of terrible pregnancy and delivery I heard. It's like a martyr fest, how much worse was my pregnancy, how I suffered to bring a person into the world. At some point I just wanted to scream, it's a damn gift! As horrible or brutal as this experience can be, it's an honor.
I don't mean to belittle anyone's experience, I was blessed. But the reality is that women from all around the world literally give anything to have this gift. And yet we act like it's an imposition and a burden. No its not easy, very few things worth doing ever are.
Like I said I was blessed, I got pregnant quickly, had an easy pregnancy. Yet I felt the need to explain and apologize constantly. Yes I did everything I could to have a healthy pregnancy and I was ready and focused on creating a person. I'm also good breeding stock so I expected an easy time. I soon discovered that this was not something I could share with other women. Which was something I desperately craved. I had this need to connect with other women who had been through this yet I never felt more disconnected.
As soon as I would start a conversation about the choices I was making, the judgment started. When I decided to have a natural birth and I said so it made women who had other forms of birth uncomfortable. Each one lashed out in different ways. Some felt the need to defend themselves, some became hostile. It was almost like I was putting down how they had there children. Why?
Is it our culture? Yes. Is it our medical system? Yes. Is it just part of the female society? I think so.
Have you ever watched a group of women, we will herd together and then shun eachother. Why is this okay? Because we are too busy to stop and reflect on ourselves.
I feel as though motherhood brings this out in us in such a harsh contrast.
We are completely inundated with what we should do and how we should behave as mothers, or mothers to be. Unfortunately we do it to eachother.
How much weight to gain when pregnant, what to eat, how to deliver. How fast you lose weight. Do you breastfeed or formula feed. C section, mediction or natural. Do you stay at home or work. Everyone has an opinion and shares it whether or not you want to hear it. No matter what you chose it can feel like there is no right answer.
God forbid you embrace yourself, your body or your needs. Because then your conceded or a know it all.
Luckily I have had some reflection time as of late and I have begun to have true faith in my instincts. Over the last few years I have put effort toward thickening my skin to outside opinion and have tried to follow my heart. That has been truly tested with motherhood. Each of us know what is right.
Is it the same path? Absolutely not.
We must as women allow ourselves to fail, to be weak, so that we can lift ourselves and eachother higher.
No matter how we have children, adoption, surrogate, delivery. We are mothers, parents and examples. It doesn't matter if you decide how or when to be a parent, we are people first. This isn't a competition, each child is different which is why each pregnancy or delivery is different. We need to come together like fibers into fabric and hold one another up, make eachother stronger, more powerful. We have a gift, we create life. That's our greatest joy, we need to share in it and not judge so harshly each other's decisions. Support one another and stop the shaming of eachother.
I am a tattooed, nursing, stay at home, natural birth advocate who makes her own baby food and raises goats for milk. Is this a life and choices everyone can or would make? No. However I fully support the formula feeding , c section scheduling, full time working mommy. Because she is making the same decision I am. To be a great mom, the best way she knows how.
Viva LA Mommy
We strive for connection with eachother however given the chance we alienate eachother faster than we can admit. As little girls we bond over playing house and mommy, however as soon as a we become mommies we begin to compete and judge.
Its starts before you even realize it, i began to see it early in my pregnancy, the silly competition. It's starts small with little comments and comparisons. How long it took to get pregnant, why you decided to birth a child, silly things. We as women want to share and we vocalize it. I can't imagine how many stories of terrible pregnancy and delivery I heard. It's like a martyr fest, how much worse was my pregnancy, how I suffered to bring a person into the world. At some point I just wanted to scream, it's a damn gift! As horrible or brutal as this experience can be, it's an honor.
I don't mean to belittle anyone's experience, I was blessed. But the reality is that women from all around the world literally give anything to have this gift. And yet we act like it's an imposition and a burden. No its not easy, very few things worth doing ever are.
Like I said I was blessed, I got pregnant quickly, had an easy pregnancy. Yet I felt the need to explain and apologize constantly. Yes I did everything I could to have a healthy pregnancy and I was ready and focused on creating a person. I'm also good breeding stock so I expected an easy time. I soon discovered that this was not something I could share with other women. Which was something I desperately craved. I had this need to connect with other women who had been through this yet I never felt more disconnected.
As soon as I would start a conversation about the choices I was making, the judgment started. When I decided to have a natural birth and I said so it made women who had other forms of birth uncomfortable. Each one lashed out in different ways. Some felt the need to defend themselves, some became hostile. It was almost like I was putting down how they had there children. Why?
Is it our culture? Yes. Is it our medical system? Yes. Is it just part of the female society? I think so.
Have you ever watched a group of women, we will herd together and then shun eachother. Why is this okay? Because we are too busy to stop and reflect on ourselves.
I feel as though motherhood brings this out in us in such a harsh contrast.
We are completely inundated with what we should do and how we should behave as mothers, or mothers to be. Unfortunately we do it to eachother.
How much weight to gain when pregnant, what to eat, how to deliver. How fast you lose weight. Do you breastfeed or formula feed. C section, mediction or natural. Do you stay at home or work. Everyone has an opinion and shares it whether or not you want to hear it. No matter what you chose it can feel like there is no right answer.
God forbid you embrace yourself, your body or your needs. Because then your conceded or a know it all.
Luckily I have had some reflection time as of late and I have begun to have true faith in my instincts. Over the last few years I have put effort toward thickening my skin to outside opinion and have tried to follow my heart. That has been truly tested with motherhood. Each of us know what is right.
Is it the same path? Absolutely not.
We must as women allow ourselves to fail, to be weak, so that we can lift ourselves and eachother higher.
No matter how we have children, adoption, surrogate, delivery. We are mothers, parents and examples. It doesn't matter if you decide how or when to be a parent, we are people first. This isn't a competition, each child is different which is why each pregnancy or delivery is different. We need to come together like fibers into fabric and hold one another up, make eachother stronger, more powerful. We have a gift, we create life. That's our greatest joy, we need to share in it and not judge so harshly each other's decisions. Support one another and stop the shaming of eachother.
I am a tattooed, nursing, stay at home, natural birth advocate who makes her own baby food and raises goats for milk. Is this a life and choices everyone can or would make? No. However I fully support the formula feeding , c section scheduling, full time working mommy. Because she is making the same decision I am. To be a great mom, the best way she knows how.
Viva LA Mommy
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